Tonys Newsletter

I spoke to a woman who told me that after the death of her partner she was “a basket case” for a few years. Why are we so damaged by the loss of a loved one when they die? Why does it take us so long to recover from such a loss?

There are a few reasons for this
We love them and are emotionally attached to them
We don’t understand death
We don’t know what happens to the one who dies

Emotional attachment

When we love someone we often get pleasure from being in their company. We enjoy them, how they act, how they talk, how they look. Our heart warms when we see them. They bring light and love into our lives. For most people we have one significant person in our lives, usually our partner or parent. They are usually a major part of our lives and we spend a reasonable amount of time with them. When death takes them, we loose the joy they brought to us, we now have an empty space in our lives where they used to be. We no longer have the pleasure of being in their company.

One of the key reasons we become upset over the loss of someone is because we do not understand death. We think of it as the end of that person and that we will never see that Soul again. This is not true. While their outer physical body has died, they themselves have moved into the inner worlds and continue to live and develop there.

Where are these inner worlds?

The inner worlds are with us all the time. As the word “inner” suggests, they are within us. We visit them when we stop to think about something. When we spend time remembering something or someone. When we daydream we move our attention from our outer world to our inner world. It’s a natural process which we do all the time.

At our death our focus moves permanently to the inner worlds because we no longer have a physical body to allow us engage with the outer physical world. It’s like being a diver who puts on a wet suit, air tanks and goggles so he can go down into the deep water. When our physical body dies we loose our suit which allows us go into the physical world. Without our physical suit or body, we can no longer be in the physical world. However when we die we can interact with those in the physical world when they visit the inner worlds in their dreams and daydreams. The majority of people who have lost someone to death have met them in their dreams. This is the new area where we can interact with them. Here we can visit our friends and family who have moved on to the inner planes. We can do this in our dreams, day dreams and by using our imagination.

How to meet someone in our inner worlds

Firstly get yourself into a comfortable position. Then take a few deep breaths to relax and on the second or third breath start to sing the sacred word HU, on your outgoing breath. Then ask your inner guide, spiritual master or a saint you respect “If it is right for me at this time, please let me meet with the one who I love”. In your imagination, using your memories, go to a happy loving scene where you were with the person. Let your heart fill with the love you have for them, enjoy your time with them, have fun and ask them questions like

“What are you doing now?”

“Are you okay?”

If there is anything that you wanted to say to them, say it now. Be careful not to upset your emotions by asking particular questions. If you find yourself getting emotionally unbalanced, start singing HU again until you calm down. While this exercise sounds simple, our emotions can play havoc with our attempts to meet our loved one. It is worth doing this exercise on a daily basis over a number of weeks, even if you are getting no concrete results. Doing the exercise tells our inner selves of our wish to meet our beloved. We may then have a dream where we meet them and have fun with them. This happens while we are sleeping because we are in our inner worlds, the same place where our beloved is. We are also a lot more relaxed and open to the fantastic possibilities which are not possible in the physical world. This exercise can work for those who have difficulty in accepting the reality of our inner worlds or those who think they don’t dream. They can have the experience of meeting their loved one while dreaming but on waking they have no recall of the dream. However they will have a feeling or a change of attitude where they are more accepting of the loss of their loved one. Their love has come into their inner being and touched them.

Children recover quicker

You’ll notice that children recover from the death of a loved one much quicker than adults. They are more open to their inner worlds, they use their imagination a lot more and accept the reality of their inner worlds. We adults are too focused on our outer physical world and have gotten to the stage where all we can see is the outer world. We have lost sight of our inner world. The exercise above helps reconnect with that world and gives us access to the beauty there.

Ways to move on

To help us move on in our physical world from the death of a close friend, we need to fill the time we spent with them with something else. This of course will take time but changing our schedule can help us recover from the loss. Another way is by giving love. This is a key way of moving on from the loss. We are moving our attention away from ourselves and our loss to others. We are letting love flow to others and in the process we will be touched by that divine force, love. When a loved one moves out of this physical world they move into the inner worlds. We can meet them and enjoy some time with them by going to our inner worlds using a contemplation exercise such as the one above or else meeting them in our dreams.

Wishing you love in all aspects of your life – Ed Parkinson